Ground Zero Youth Ministry
 Pastor Mike Atkins, Youth Pastor
Drew Cope, Youth Director
125 Saginaw Rd
New London Twp, PA 19352

Church: (610) 869-2140
GZ Office: (610) 869-7332
Fax: (610) 869-7823
Mike@GZYouth.com
www.GZYouth.com

P r e s s    C o v e r a g e


How to Deal – Talking about suicide with your kids

By Karen Busby

The suicide of a 16-year old Avon Grove High School student has brought some grim realities to light in our community. Students and their parents are grappling with how to handle not only death, but death at one’s own hand, a topic more taboo than sex, often broached only in whispers or church sermons.

The truth is chilling. According to www.notmykid.org and the University of Virginia website, statistics show that suicide is the number 3 cause of death among 15- to 24-year olds and number 6 among 5- to 14-year olds. In fact, there is 1 suicide in this country every two hours.

Two resources in our community, Drew Cope, Youth Director of New London Presbyterian Church’s popular Ground Zero Youth program and Christine Loveland, Ph.D., a West Grove psychologist offered their insights on what our children may be thinking, and more importantly – how parents can deal.

Drew Cope and New London Presbyterian Church Youth Pastor Mike Atkins spent a lot of time communicating with the local youth last week. In an interview late last week, Cope said, “We’ve been on IM (instant message) round the clock since Tuesday. Mike and I even transferred the IM to our cell phones just to stay in touch with the kids.”

Cope and Atkins run the Ground Zero Youth program at NLPC, where approximately 200 students in the community regularly participate in either the JV (grades 6-8) or Varsity services (Sr. High & young adults) on Thursday and Friday nights respectively.

“It’s been tough on a lot of the kids, the girls in particular,” he said. “They don’t understand why Brittany chose this outlet. To the general public, everything looks perfect. They look at themselves and say if she did it and she’s perfect, what about me?”

Cope said kids are probably dealing with lots of rumors, blame, anger towards God, themselves or their friend, guilt for not doing something such as writing, speaking, returning a call or missing a clue that might have stopped her.

“Teens think they are immortal…as they process this, they can come up with reasons to do it themselves. They need to realize it’s a permanent answer to a temporary problem.”

After a peer’s suicide, friend or not, it is important for parents to take it seriously and give kids an avenue to express their feelings. Be ready and willing to talk and even more important, listen he said.

“Go out for ice cream, turn the radio off in the car…set up opportunities where they can just think, process, and talk, talk, talk…Ask questions…share similar experiences if you indeed had them.”

“Don’t be afraid of silence…you as a parent might be uncomfortable, but they aren’t. They are just processing…If in spite of your best efforts, your teen still doesn’t want to talk, give them some freedom to talk to someone else. Give them your permission or approval to talk with a guidance counselor, pastor, teacher, older sibling or responsible friend,” he said.

Dr. Christine Loveland agreed. Evan a 16-year old doesn’t really grasp the finality of death, she said, until they are faced with it in a situation like this. “Whatever you do, do not be afraid to discuss suicide with your child. You will not plant the idea in his or her head. That is a myth,” she said.

Loveland said contemplation of suicide is a common response to pain, emotional or physical.

"The simple fact is they are in pain and thinking about killing one’s self is a natural response to pain. It is a way to make the pain stop and it is normal to want to make pain stop. What is not normal is to act on it.”

It is critical said Loveland to make kids realize the fallout from suicide, the irreparable damage a family suffers as a result. “The family and friends of a person who commits suicide will never, ever be the same. They will never, ever get over it. It is important to make them realize this.”

Loveland said it is often helpful to take kids to church to realize there is a higher reason for being. “Parents can tell kids they love them until they are blue in the face, sometimes they just need to realize there is a someone else out there who has a plan for them.”

“Do whatever you have to open those lines of communication and make them see the finality of suicide,” she said. Loveland often advises parents to “spend time not money” in getting through to their kids. “Lock yourself in a room with your child and tell them you aren’t going to work or school or anywhere until the child opens up. That is how much you love that child. Nothing else is more important in the world,” she said.

Suicide Warning signs
  • Dramatic personality changes
  • Relationship problems with friends, parents, other relatives
  • Sadness or depression including loss of appetite, problems sleeping, low energy, or poor concentration
  • Extreme anxiety or feelings of panic
  • Problems in school, frustration and or disappointment over performance
  • Boredom or indifference
  • Major health problems
  • Rebellious, aggressive, irritable or destructive
  • Careless personal hygiene
  • Substance abuse – including alcohol
  • Writing notes about death or glorifying suicide
  • Giving away or selling valuable or cherished possessions
What parents can do
  • Listen/communicate/show you care
  • Ask if they have had or are having thoughts about hurting themselves
  • Do not dismiss the death of a peer, afterward teens are at their most vulnerable
  • Encourage your child to express his feelings – validate without passing judgment – do not force discussion
  • Do not minimize the seriousness of a child’s concerns
  • Seek professional help if suicidal feelings seem serious – (a plan, means, or time)
  • Remove weapons, knives, pills and other items from the home that might be used in a suicide attempt
  • Continue with treatment even after the crisis is over
Suicide Prevention Resources

©Avon Grove Sun 2004



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