When you & I were in school, cutting was something students did when they forgot to finish their homework, or if they wanted to make out with their boyfriend or girlfriend under the bleachers.  The biggest problems in schools involved chewing gum & passing notes.   Today, our students are in the midst of a much more serious crisis.   Students who are facing inner turmoil are not equipped to deal with these emotions in healthy ways.  They are turning less & less to their parents, teachers, youth leaders & friends & more towards self destructive behaviors like ‘cutting’.   Cutting isn’t a new approach to dealing with inner pain, anger, emotional turmoil & stress.  But it is becoming more prevalent & its victims are getting younger & younger.

As I began researching this article, I turned to counselors & was referred to several books on the subject.  This was of some help.  Then I searched the internet & found a few more medical descriptions of the problem.  But sadly, and very telling, the most helpful resources I found on the subject were several area 8^th & 9^th graders.  Eight of us were talking recently.  When I mentioned this project, they presented an incredible wealth of information. With the exception of one of these eight students, each knew at least one (and some as many as seven) other teens who cut.  Though they’d never admit it, I believe some spoke from personal experience. 

This article is not a medical journal entry.  It is not psychological or medical advice.   This is the attempt of one area youth pastor to bring attention to an issue that is extremely prevalent among our children & it’s growing.   When I mentioned to one parent the topic of my article, she said that she had sort of heard that it was a problem, but was shocked that teenagers as young as 6^th grade are into this destructive habit.  This article will barely touch on what one needs to know, but realize this: cutting is not something kids from messed up families do.  Teens with perfect families & $300,000 homes are prime candidates for cutting as well.

Why do teens cut?  It varies from person to person.  According to these 8^th & 9^th graders, “It’s something you can control, in the midst of a lot of things that you can’t.”  When you can’t control the work load you have or whether or not dad will come home screaming or smiling, it gives you a sense of ownership of one part of your life.   Some cut to release pain.   The release of frustration or anger one feels when throwing a lamp into the wall & the satisfaction one derives from it breaking, is similar to that which cutters receive from slicing their skin, watching it turn red, & seeing the blood flow.  Some use it as a way to release guilt, or because they feel “I deserve this.”  This guilt can be caused by parental, teacher or friend put-downs or simply because no one has taught or modeled for them how they can be loved unconditionally, in spite of whatever they think they might have done.  They also said that it can stem from holding a warped view of God; seeing Him as some kind of wicked task master who keeps track of the rights & wrongs we commit, rather than as the loving, forgiving, gracious, merciful God of the prodigal son.  According to another teen, “Sometimes, cutters want to do something rebellious or cut to get revenge.  After finishing a screaming match with their parents, some of my friends will cut because they know this will make their parents mad if they ever find out.  Or like when your boyfriend breaks up with you, or your friends ‘diss’ you & make you feel like garbage.  It’s a way to ‘show them who’s in control.’”   In other cases, the pressure some teens feel to juggle the unstable people in their life, & keep everyone around them happy & at peace with one another, drives them to cut.

The biggest thing the teens agreed on was that their friends who cut, are not doing it for attention.  It’s a coping mechanism they have developed for dealing with their pain. “My friends were so desperate, they were willing to try anything to get through the pain,” said one teen.

And once this coping mechanism is established, it’s a tough habit to break.   “Its like a drug, you can’t stop.  It’s in your mind.  Even if you get happy & you’re not cutting as often, you still have bad days & it’s your first thought when someone hurts you.   If someone insults you or pushes you down, or makes you feel bad, or your mom says you can’t go out tonight, you are going to get upset, & blame yourself for not doing everything right.  We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect: to try to keep everyone around us happy, all the time.  When you are stuck in this, you can’t see the good part of yourself & focus on the negative & your self esteem drops & you just can’t see past the situation.  You feel so bad.”  My panel of teens agreed.  “[Cutting] is like an adrenaline rush.  That's the main thing.  It’s addicting.  Even when you decide you want to stop, you can’t.”

One 9^th grader said, “My mom was totally cool.   I was afraid to tell her, but somehow she found out.   She came to me & gently, calmly & lovingly said, “Okay, look.  I know about this.  And I’ve been through this before too.  You can come to me whenever you want because I know that your friends won’t always be there.  I won’t judge you.   I won’t be mad at you.    I want you to know how much I love you.  And if you don’t feel comfortable talking to me or dad, that’s okay too.  If you want to talk with a teacher at school, or one of the youth leaders at church, or your friends, I’m okay with that.   I won’t go prying to find out what’s going on.   I love you.  I just want to make sure you’re okay.”   And then she left.   Later, when I needed to go talk to her, I felt like I could trust her & I knew she wasn’t going to freak out, go ballistic, or loose it.  My mom really held it together & was there for me.  She gave me an invitation & later, I was able to come to her when I needed to.  That really helped.”

God gave your children to you.  You know them best.  Only you can decide how you will approach this issue with your teen.   I cannot give you advice or counsel through a newspaper column.   I can only encourage you to prayerfully approach this with the teens in your life, watch for warning signs, model appropriate methods of dealing with tough issues & problems and promise to always be there as a calm, steady, non-judgmental rock in their life that they can always come to whenever they have issues.   And that you give them the freedom to seek adult counsel from friends, teachers & youth leaders in case they don’t feel comfortable talking with you.