FOR THE AVON GROVE SUN PASTOR’S COLUMN
Deadline 11.05.2004
 
Commonalities Among Teenagers
By Drew Cope, Youth Director of New London Presbyterian Church

God has grown Ground Zero incredibly in the past 5 years.   Hundreds of students have come through the doors over the past few years.  Some come for the video games; others to shoot pool and play air hockey.  Several students get off work just in time to hear the message and stay for worship.  It’s just incredible what God is doing.  Students’ lives are being changed.  And the one thing that I’ve noticed, is that while there are hundreds of different situations, issues, struggles and challenges that they all face and a hundred different reasons for coming out to Ground Zero, it all comes back to a few root things. 

Every teen, from the straight ‘A’ perfectionist, to the punk bully, to the football jock, to the cheerleader, to the shy kid who sits at the lunch table by himself every day; they all desire three things:  unconditional love, acceptance and affirmation.

I had the benefit of two loving parents who always assured me that no matter what I did, how I scored, whether we won or lost, if I got straight A’s or F’s; that they would always love me and they would always be proud of me.   That knowledge gave me the confidence to try new things.  I wasn’t afraid of failure because I knew it just meant that I got another chance to try it again.  Mom and Dad always encouraged me.  

Dad had an office in the basement.  Whenever I brought home a paper or a project that I really liked or that I got a good grade on, I’d run downstairs and Dad would hang it from the rafters in the ceiling, over his desk.   I always knew that my parents loved me.   I had a safe secure place to go home to.

But that was years ago.   Another youth worker recently said something very profound to me.   “You and I were 13 once… but we were never the same age, the same 13 that teens are today.”   He’s right.   Teens today lose their innocence much younger thanks to what we find on prime time television, at the movie theater and in our schools.  Teens face more pressures today than they ever had in years past.   Today, more than ever before, we need to make a conscious, consistent effort to help teens in our circle of influence feel loved, accepted and affirmed.

How do we do that?  Simple… get involved with their lives.   Go to games, go to events, cheer them on and be their biggest fan!  Tell your son or daughter that you are proud of them and that you love them, but make sure they know it’s not because of how they performed that day.  If love is conditional on performance, appearance or anything else, then it’s not really love.   Tell them you’re proud of them at no time in particular; when they haven’t done anything special and when they least expect it.  And once they know that you’re behind them, that they are loved and accepted unconditionally, regardless of the circumstances, encourage them to extend that love to someone else.

Ask them who they sit with in the cafeteria at school.   Ask them what their friends are into, and don’t accept “stuff” for an answer.   “Well, are they into skating, studying, sports, music, the band, the choir, the musical, what?”   And then ask them about the kids who sit by themselves in the cafeteria.  

Teens have always been harsh in school.  That hasn’t changed.  If you don’t have the right friends, or the right look, or the right clothes, you are ostracized, outcast and looked down upon. Encourage your son or daughter to take one or two of their friends and go sit at the table with the students who no-one else will sit with, and take a genuine interest in the lives of people who no-one else will talk to.   You never know; your son or daughter may just change the course of that person’s whole life.

Three years ago, we started something at Ground Zero called Project: RAKE.  RAKE stands for Random Acts of Kindness Everywhere.   Primarily, this is a free home repair ministry that gets teenagers involved in the lives of low income families and senior citizens right here in our own community.   Project: RAKE crews have built wheelchair ramps, repaired leaky plumbing, painted rooms, repaired toilets and replaced rotted flooring improving the living conditions of 64 families right here in West Grove, Avondale, Kennett, Lincoln University, Oxford, Nottingham, Atglen and Kirkwood.   But it’s more than just home repairs; RAKE is an attitude. 

It’s going the extra mile.  It’s giving a friend a ride.  It’s getting outside yourself and meeting the needs of others; whether that’s an elderly person or the outcast at school.  It’s about loving on people and changing lives.  

Have an impact in this community.   Make sure the teenagers in your life feel loved, accepted and affirmed.   Then go out of your way to extend a Random Act of Kindness to someone who you don’t know.   To quote Columbine High School shooting victim Rachel Scott, “I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same.   People will never know how far a little kindness can go.”

This week at Ground Zero, we’ll be sharing more with students about how to find true love and acceptance through God’s son, Jesus Christ.   Ground Zero meets Wednesday nights at Union Presbyterian off 472 in Kirkwood, PA for grades 6 through 12 from 6:30-8:30 PM.   We also meet Thursdays from 6:45 to 9 PM for Jr. High and 7-10 PM on Friday Nights for Sr. High and Young Adults at New London Presbyterian on 896 just south of State Rd.  All teens are invited.

Drew Cope is the Youth Director of the Ground Zero Youth Ministry.  For directions or more information about Ground Zero, their programs or events, please call 610-869-7332 or visit www.GZYouth.com.