I like boys. I like boys a lot, and I have my whole life. I have had crushes starting from Kindergarten with Matt Kronmiller. I have had only a few serious dating experiences. The first one went to my old church. I figured, well since he goes to church, he must be a Christian. But he did not treat me like anything special and I slowly began to realize that he was only in it for the physical ness. He broke up with me soon after, without a reason. Because I had put my self-worth in this "wonderful" guy, when he left I was devastated. But two weeks later his best friend asked me out. I had been friends with him my whole life. I knew he was a strong Christian. My self worth had been restored. It could have been an awesome relationship, but I was still hurting because of my pervious one and we let it fall apart. Again I was devastated. I slowly began to realize that most guys only liked me from my shoulders down. They did not care what was inside my head. And, to an extent I figured that it wasn’t really important. I started to wear inappropriate clothing, because I got more attention, but it was the wrong kind of attention. I was slipping further and further away from God, and further and further into depression. Just before I hit rock bottom, there was a guy that became friends with me. It was at that point I hit rock bottom. I would go over to his house and we would drink and cut ourselves, and each other. I convinced myself that he was my only friend the only one who understood me. We didn’t really consider ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend, but he had a big impact on my life. One of my real friends eventually discovered the cuts, told my parents and I got some help. When I was almost completely healed, I met mark. I was 15 at the time and he was 20. I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread, and I thought I was pretty great too because I had an older guy that was interested in me. But I made the mistake of thinking that because he was older than me he knew what was best. He treated me like a princess, except for when he was angry. You see, Mark had bi-polar disorder. However, when he became depressed, he also became angry, and violent. The first 8months we were going out he only hit me once, so I made an excuse for it. And he apologized over and over again. Then after 8months he proposed to me. Because he was older than me I figured that he knew that we were supposed to be together. And I was so head over heels in love with him, I didn’t think of saying know. So I was secretly engaged. Then soon after he began to get angry more often, and this time he would beat me every time. The beatings got worse and worse every time. He would beat me until I was in tears, then he would demand sexual pleasure with the threat of hitting me again if I didn’t adhere to his request. I made an excuse every time saying that it was just his anger and that he really meant no harm. Finally, we changed churches and I rediscovered Christ. And I found my angel. I call him my angel because he was a very special gift to me from God. It was the first true Christian relationship that I had ever had. We were both focused on God and that, in turn, helped us to grow closer. We would go to church together, we would talk about God and our faith openly, but most important we prayed. We prayed for each other, and we prayed together. I believe that those are essential in having a Christian relationship. I am not trying to say that it was a perfect relationship, because it was not, nobody has a perfect relationship. I am also not going to say that there was no physical temptation. There was tons. In the end the relationship did not really work out. I knew that I was supposed to be single for awhile, Then God put somebody else in my life. Being cautious because of my past I prayed for several days if I was supposed to be with him. I believe that was telling me to be with him. He is a blessing in my life. He is a devout Christian who is strong in his faith. I believe that the closer two people are to Christ, the closer they can be to each other. Because of Christ's wonderful love that he has for us, he gave us the gift to love others. My love for Christ is first. And I believe that you can only love another person to the fullest extent if you have a passionate love for Jesus Christ.