When A Friend Commits Suicide

For every one of those suicides, there are many others--parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, close friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, and more--who are left shattered, wondering what they could have done to prevent this catastrophe and wrestling with feelings of guilt for not acting in time. The boy or girl who takes his own life will never know the many, often enduring consequences of that act of self-destruction, but his or her survivors surely will!

I have met with many, many teens who have had to deal with a friend's suicide, and in every case they have been left wondering how they missed the signs of approaching disaster. This is because you can never know really what another person is thinking. And when it comes to such dark thoughts as ending one's life, people seldom are willing to reveal precisely what their intentions are.

This is not to say that there aren't clues to be looking for: depression and hopelessness, a fascination with the subject of suicide, preoccupation with death, loss of interest in things formerly cared about, giving one's belongings away, making unusual, goodbye-sounding visits or phone calls to close friends, and--the hardest one to recognize at the time--very suddenly appearing calm and happy when nothing else has changed. That last clue could be a sign that the person has a plan to end his or her misery. If you should observe signs like that in a friend, don't keep it to yourself. Share your concerns with a school counselor or another adult. Timely help could save your friend's life.

If you are among the tens of thousands of teens who have lost a friend through suicide, you may be haunted by the memory of this terrible event. Teens I have met with tell me they can't help thinking about how their friends died, painting in their mind's eye scenes that would fit in a horror movie. If you are tormented by such thoughts, it might be that your imagination is depicting a scene far worse than what really happened. Rumors among classmates and friends sometimes get badly distorted. In any case, these images should fade in a few weeks. If they don't, you should arrange to see a counselor who can help you shake them.

A second concern to most of the suicide survivors I have talked with are feelings of anger. If that is how you feel, you should not think it wrong to be angry with your dead friend. Anger could be a very legitimate response when you think about the pain that this rash act has brought to innocent people like his parents and other survivors. What distorted thinking went into his fateful decision can never be known, but one thing is clear: No matter what the circumstances, no matter what mental or physical suffering it is intended to end, a suicide hurts a lot more people than the one person who takes that desperate act.

Another common reaction teens often tell me about is guilt. Oh, how guilty they feel! They feel guilty for missing all those clues. They feel guilty for not being better friends. They feel guilty for not calling, not writing, not this, not that. For the most part, I find that they have done nothing wrong, but they feel guilty anyway. If that is how you feel, it will help if you can find someone you trust who will really listen and hear what you have to say. Then say all these things that are troubling you; it will help to unburden yourself of these heavy thoughts.




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How can I go on living when I feel like I just want to die?

When the cares of life overwhelm us, it might seem easier to wish for death than to face the struggle. If you are hurting and trying to find a way out, please read on, for there is hope for you!

God knows your pain. He knows your doubts and fears. He knows that you have difficulties and that you even question Him.

A follower of Christ named Paul (who wrote much of the Bible’s New Testament) also struggled with circumstances to the point of losing hope. In 2 Corinthians 1 , he told the church of Corinth that he had suffered greatly while in Asia. He said that he and a friend named Timothy were “under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure,so that we despaired even of life” (v.8). Paul too was in despair!

But the story does not end there. He went on to say that “this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God” (v.9).This emotional struggle, this hopelessness that Paul felt, caused him to rely on God even more. He saw more clearly how much he needed God through this dark hour in his life.

You may not be where Paul was when he wrote those words. You may be in the middle of a storm and you may be wondering if you are going to make it. You may even be questioning God’s presence in your life. Your story, however, like Paul’s, doesn’t have to end in despair. It is in the midst of the most desperate moments of your life that you too can call on the Lord and He will hear you.

Is it possible that instead of reaching out to the Lord, you have been using god-substitutes to avoid taking care of your real needs? Most of us do that from time to time. We find creative ways of drowning our sorrows and dulling our pain. We are often tempted to use sex, food, materialism, drugs, alcohol, shopping—anything to try and make the pain go away. When nothing seems to work, depression can set in. Depression is sometimes an internal decision to shut down and a refusal to deal with the difficult struggles of life. This kind of depression usually results from a series of failed attempts to deal with some painful circumstances or difficult relationships in one’s life. The feeling of a depressed person is often, “No matter how much I try, I am powerless to change the things that mean the most to me. I quit! Nothing works. I give up!” It is at this point that some think about ending their life. You are not alone in feeling as you do.

So how do we work through these deeply painful and frightening times? I believe it is when we admit that we are at the end and can’t make it on our own. God will comfort us in our grief, sorrow, and disappointments. He will reveal Himself to us and show us mercy ( Matthew 5:4,6 ).

Some experiences in your life may make you hesitant to reach out to the Lord for help. But, if you trust God with your pain, He can begin to show you that you have purpose and significance. You were created for a higher purpose, which is to worship your Creator and to find your hope and strength in Him.

If you continue to struggle with thoughts of suicide, seek help from a skilled counselor, your pastor, or a trusted friend. Your feelings may not change overnight, but you can begin to act in faith and take actions that will lead to a healthy perspective on life.




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What the bible says about suicide

Suicide. The word has a frightening air of finality. Laden with hopelessness, despair, and tragedy, it is a word that everyone wants to keep at arms' length. "Only people who are really mixed up consider suicide," you've told yourself.

But then one day that word entered your thoughts in a different way. You found yourself in an unbearable situation. You felt trapped and powerless. Ultimately, "ending it all" seemed to be the only answer. It isn't.

There is another solution. It's found in the Bible, God's messageof love to you. This is your chance to discover just how valuable you are and how your life can be transformed. Read on.

Where Are You Now?

Probably you've asked yourself, "How did I get to this point?" The answer is ... gradually. Everyone goes through periods in their lives when they feel down. Usually, in time, the sadness leaves and life goes on. But sometimes a difficult situation, a strained relationship or some other problem leads to unhappiness that won't go away.

When that happens, life can become a daily struggle with uneasiness, gloom, and emptiness. Ultimately, depression and hopelessness can take hold, creating a feeling of dissatisfaction with life in general.

Depression has many causes. Often it is associated with a sense of loss that can be caused by a number of things -- illness, the death of a loved one, sudden unemployment, divorce, and so on. A chronic illness, or permanent disability, can rob you of your independence, making you feel worthless, helpless, and angry. Losing someone you care about, through death or divorce, can leave a tremendous void in your life.

Guilt is another trigger for depression. Perhaps you're struggling with drug or alcohol abuse -- or some other habit, or behavior,that you are ashamed of. A childhood trauma may have left you feeling damaged and unworthy of happiness. Maybe you just feel like a failure because you haven't achieved all that you wanted in life.

Whatever the cause, depression often leads to a sense of hopelessness. You may feel as though your life is out of control. You may think that ending your life is the only way to take control. It's not.

Where Can You Go From Here?

You can keep going the way you have been, knowing where that may lead. Or you can give yourself a real chance for a better life. The fact that you're reading this shows that you want another option. So, here it is.

There is only one real source of hope for a life that possesses meaning, fulfillment, and joy. That source is Jesus Christ. Speaking about His followers, Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). Through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you can experience overflowing love, forgiveness, peace, and joy in your life. That is a promise from God found in the Bible.

Does God promise that you'll never have another problem? No. But He does pledge to give you the power to face life's trials with confidence, knowing that He will cause all things to work for your good. He promises either to deliver you from afflictions,or give you the strength to endure them, according to His plan for you ... a plan that begins with giving your life to Him.

By accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior and choosing to follow Him you place Jesus on the throne of your life. Spiritually, you become a new person because God's Holy Spirit comes to live within you. Jesus described this experience as being "born again." And, best of all, with your new life in Christ comes the right to spend eternity in God's presence. Why not get a Bible right now and read these wonderful promises for yourself?

Look up these Scripture verses: John 1:12; II Corinthians 5:17;I Corinthians 2:12; I John 5:11-13.

If you have never made a decision to accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior, you can do that right now and take the first step toward a new life. Simply pray this prayer and mean it in your heart:

Lord Jesus, I ask you to come into my life. I want to turn from living my life under my own control. Come now and live your life in me. Cleanse me from my sins. I receive you as my Lord and my Savior. I will live for you and serve you all the days of my life. Amen.

If you prayed that prayer, please send us an e-mail to let us know. Or you can call The 700 Club Prayer Counseling Center at (800) 759-0700. We would love to talk with you and send you some literature to help you begin your walk with the Lord.

Jesus said, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me" (Revelation 3:20). If you just prayed and asked Him to come into your life, He did. And He promises to share intimate friendship with you.

Now you need to do a few things.

First, begin reading the Bible on a daily basis. Start with the Gospel of John in the New Testament. Find an easy to read, modern translation like the New International Version, the New American Standard or The Book (The New Living Translation).

Next, try to spend time in prayer every day. Just talk to God like you would a good friend.

Finally, it's important that you find a church that believes and teaches the Bible. This is critical to your development as a Christian. For more information about your new relationship with God, please feel free to call The 700Club at 1-800-759-0700.

Remember this: God doesn't require you to be perfect. Rather, He desires your heartfelt devotion and willingness to live accordingto His Word, the Bible.

What if You're Already a Christian?

Christians can feel depressed and have suicidal thoughts too. It can happen for all of the same reasons mentioned above. The trials of life touch everyone, including believers.

If the situation you are in is something you can't change, know that God can intervene miraculously. As hard as it may be to do, continue praying for God's help. Don't stop.

God does hear our prayers, but His plan and ours aren't always the same. Trust Him to respond in a way that will be to your best interest. That includes the possibility that He will give you strength and peace to endure your trial rather than deliver you from it. Some of God's greatest answers to prayer come in the form of peace and joy in the midst of great hardship. Believe that He will see you through every storm in your life.

Read these Scripture verses and make them your own declarations of faith: Psalm 23; Psalm 28:7; Isaiah 43:2; Romans 8:28; Philippians 4:13.

Ask your Heavenly Father to help you live in the power of the Holy Spirit. The Bible is full of His promises to love, strengthen, heal, and guide. Begin reading God's Word with a new purpose -- to discover new insights about God's love for you. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide your journey and to reveal truths you've never seen before. Accept the fact of God's love for you without relyingon your feelings.

Read these Scripture verses and receive them as God's message to you: John 3:16; Romans 5:8; Isaiah 40:31; Isaiah 41:10; Lamentations 3:22-23.

Also, be prepared to acknowledge any sin that might be interfering in your relationship with your Heavenly Father. Ask God to search your heart and pinpoint any problems. Then, confess and repent of your disobedience and receive God's forgiveness.

Read these Scripture verses for more understanding about dealing with sin: I John 1:9; Psalm 139:23-24; Galatians 5:16-25.

Do Something to Help Yourself

Professional help in the form of a qualified Christian counselor is one of the best ways to fight depression and thoughts of suicide. Look in the phone book and make some calls. Ask for references. A good counselor can help you get a new perspective on your problems. Get a medical check-up. Sometimes depression can be caused bya chemical imbalance or other biological factor.

Seek out a support group (starting with your church) that ministers to the area of difficulty in your life. Interacting with others who are facing similar challenges in their lives will help you feel less isolated.

Force yourself to do something the next time you feel down. Inactivity only makes depression worse. Here are some things to try:

• Talk to someone. Call a friend and share your feelings.
• Take a walk. Exercise causes your blood and oxygen to circulate faster, which makes you feel invigorated. Your brain produces chemicals called endorphins that fight depression.
• Do something to help someone else. As you focus your attentionon another's needs, your own cares will become less burdensome.
• Listen to music. Choose your favorite songs and sing along.

If you need ongoing support, we encourage you to contact the pastor of your local church. With the guidance of your pastor, you might also consider seeking professional Christian counseling. Here are some national ministries that we can recommend:




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Reaching out to survivors of suicide

How Can You Help?

• Be bold in reaching out to survivors of suicide. Don't be afraid to discuss the subject of suicide with survivors, but temper your comments. Grieving survivors need to be acknowledged, not ignored.
• Let the person know you care. As the well-known saying goes, "People don't care what you know until they know that you care." Sharing your concern for survivors helps them know they are not alone in there pain.
• Be a good listener. Allow a survivor to talk about what he is feeling. It is important for you to listen closely to anything the person says. Much talking on your part will not be very effective because the person is in a state of mind that will not allow him to listen or absorb all you are saying. Do everything you can to let the person know you are there for them and willing to listen without judging or challenging.
• Encourage counseling or support group attendance. Make some calls for the person to help locate a counselor, clergy, or a Survivors of Suicide support group Offer to drive your friend to and from the appointment or meeting.
• Be practical. What can you do for the person right now? Can you provide childcare, meals, or transportation? Be specific about what you are willing to do.
• Be available. In Hope for the Troubled Heart, Billy Graham writes, "Being available is difficult, because it takes time, but being sensitive to the small amounts of time we can give could reap large rewards in someone's life. It doesn't really matter what we say to comfort people during a time of suffering, it's our concern and availability that count."

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Seeking help

If you have struggled with the meaning of life or are experiencing overwhelming pain (physical or mental) and are considering taking your life, I urge you to take these steps to get the help you need in your time of trouble.

Cry out to God. Read Psalm 34 and ask God to renew your mind with these verses:

"The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. He guards all his bones; not one of them is broken" (Psalm 34:17-20).

Call someone and ask for help. Don't let pride get in the way. Much of Satan's power to convince those who feel unloved and hopeless is found in his ability to keep them isolated and removed from those who can lift them up.

Ask Jesus Christ to give you new hope and to give your life meaning. His life indwells you, and His resources are constantly available in your most desperate moment.

If you are not the one struggling with the issue of suicide but have a friend or someone in your family who seems to have given up, there are some things you can do to help that person.

Be able to recognize clues the person may be giving, either consciously or subconsciously. Look for symptoms such as depression, signs of hopelessness, lethargy, and so on. Listen for threats and words of warning, such, "I have nothing to live for." Be aware of whether the person becomes withdrawn and isolated from others.

Trust your judgment. If you believe there is an imminent threat of suicide, trust your instincts. Don't let others dissuade you from loving intervention.

Tell others. Don't worry about breaking a confidence if the person is obviously contemplating suicide or says he or she has a plan. As soon as possible, involve the help of others, such as parents, friends, spouse, teachers, ministers, physicians, anyone in a position to assist the distressed individual.

Stay with the person. If you believe the person is in danger of carrying out the plan, do not leave the person alone. Wait with the person until medical help arrives or the crisis has passed.

Listen. Encourage the person to talk to you. Refrain from giving pat answers that could further depress the person who is on the verge of giving up. Listen and empathize with the person.

Urge professional help. Stress the necessity of getting help for the individual.

Be supportive. Show the person that you care. Do what you can to help the person feel worthwhile and valuable to you.

Suicide is not the answer to life's pain, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional. Christ is the answer and in Him alone will we find healing from the problems that ultimately cause a person to end life before God has chosen to do so.




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What does God say about suicide?

Genesis 1:27: God created people in His own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female He created them.

1 Corinthians 6:20: God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice for us so that we could have life. It would go against everything Jesus taught us to take our own life.

How can I deal with thoughts of suicide?

Matthew 28:20: Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Remember that you are not alone.

Jeremiah 1:5 I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my spokesmen to the world. When you are tempted by thoughts of hopelessness, remember that God created you and has a plan for you.

Deuteronomy 4:29: You will search again for the Lord your God. And if you search for Him with all your heart and soul, you will find him. Seek God and you will find him and his purpose.

Promise from God: Jeremiah 29:11: “I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future.”




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Is suicide really the solution?

The grave cannot praise God, and death cannot sing His praises. Those who go down to the pit cannot hope for His faithfulness. For in death, who will remember God? And who can thank Him from the grave? It is the living- only the living- who can praise Him.

Do not kill, but, rather, find something useful to do, and do it with all your heart, for in the grave you can no longer work or plan, and there is no knowledge or wisdom.

Those who are alive know they will one day die, but the dead know nothing and will have no rewards. Even the memory of them is forgotten. Their love and their hate, along with their jealousy, is gone forever, and they will never again have a part I anything done under the sun.

As long as you are alive, there is hope! Even a dog that is alive is better off then a lion that is dead. Teach us the value of each day Lord and how we may fill our hearts with wisdom.

• Isaiah 38:18
• Isaiah 38:19
• Ecclesiastes 9:10
• Ecclesiastes 9:4
• Ecclesiastes 9:5-6
• Psalm 6:5
• Psalm 90:12
• Exodus 20:15

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A poem about suicide by Rhianna Stockbridge

Her eyes burned like wildfire
But sparkled with an ocean breeze
Her spirit was gentle and always kind
But her heart was what was left uneased


A beautiful smile, the perfect skin
A popular girl with a familiar face
They wanted to be her, to just fit in
Little did they know she was so out of place


Little girl dry your eyes
And wipe away those silver tears
The angels are crying with you tonight
As you try to overcome your greatest fears


Its never too much for you to handle
He would never give you that weight
But you thought that it was the end for you
We miss you as you fly to a better place





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