My name is Sara Waltz. I’m 17 and a senior at Avon Grove. So everybody has been writing this dating testimony and I’ve had experience, I’ll say that. I’m actually sort of new here so I understand why I wasn’t asked to write my testimony at first however; something inside of me really wants to and feels the urge to. Get comfortable--- I got sort of tangenty. Yeah- it’s a longun.

“The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing.” That’s what Pastor Mike said last night and that pretty much describes my entire dating history. It always felt good even if it was bad and I refused to give it up… even when I should have. When I was younger and I guess to an extent to this day, I’ve never felt up to par with my friends. I never felt like I was as pretty as them or as thin or as well, all out wonderful. I felt like I needed a guy to feel worthy; accepted. It was almost like a competition. In fact, a group of friends I had used to talk about “meeting quota” at the end of each year. (Quota was 7 guys.) I remember being a part of that and sometimes lying to meet it.

I can oh so clearly recall my first “dating experience” as any teenage girl would. I was in Jamaica and Charlie was two years younger than I. He was the epitome of hot! Gorgeous body, hair, eyes- the whole nine yards, and he, like every other guy my cousins, sister, and I, (who was eldest by two years) met- he liked my cousin. Something happened though; he got to know her and chose me! Yeah me! That to me was astounding. I may not be the prettiest but hey- at least I was the ugly girl with the pretty personality. Score! He was a sweet guy and a surfer too - it’s too bad I broke up with him because I was worried what friends would think. You know since he was two years younger than I and all. My basis and ethics of dating clearly didn’t involve God. I didn’t even have Him in mind. Heck, they didn’t even involve me. You know what they say out of hand out of mind, I guess that’s how I felt, with the opposite sex and God as well.

In the space between my ex and my next, I “hooked up” with a number of guys. (Oh that dirty word) I felt like it was what was expected of me and again how to prove to others (really to myself) that I was worthy and I was just as beautiful as they seemed to be. I didn’t even know these guys let alone like them. How great is it that I can say the first guy I ever kissed was some guy named Josh at the beach, which is pretty much all I know about ‘em?! It’s not very, I can say that much.

Then there was the heartbreaker, my second boyfriend- Billy. Ah Billy, ha, what can I say? My time with Billy was, at the time, “heaven.” They were the happiest days of my life. I felt fulfilled, I felt loved, I felt like I had everything and even if I didn’t it wouldn’t matter- I had him, and I felt almost beautiful. Still, there was no God in my relationship; in fact, there wasn’t much of anybody but Billy in that relationship. I struggled during that time with depression and it affected us. My best friend and I “broke up” which was really hard and even though I was sooo happy I had a void. I know now what the void was. It was my most important puzzle piece… haha thanks Katelyn Shelton. We dated for about four months over a year and fought ALL the time, which is why I think it lasted so long but that should have been I lightening bolt of a sign. There’s something thrilling and apparently lasting about fighting and making up- and that’s bad- everybody that’s bad to fight all the time. Billy broke up with me multiple times and I him- maybe 5 or 6 total, yet I dramatically clung to him because I had nobody else in my life to fall back on. Starving for a look or even an unkind word from him which haha… I got a lot of. I was pathetic. I felt like I’d die if I didn’t have him- I was worthless again. Then when I’d finally moved on- every time when I’d moved on- he came back and ruined me again. There’s an evil to him. But I’ll just pray for him I think. Philippians 1:3 says “Every time you cross my mind I break out in exclamations to God.” I try to keep this in mined. (side note- thanks Mel.) I’ve changed so much and it’s really helped me to move on permanently.

Then about 9 months later, there was Bryan. The four months I spent with Bryan were amazing. (No four is just common, not my magic number.) With him I balanced friends, family, and him but still no God. He was so supporting, kind, and such a gentlemen. There was always something missing though. There was always something wrong in my relationships and with Bryan too, it came to be that he was too much of a gentlemen. That and with him, I found myself doing things I didn’t want to. Bryan, other than these things, I have no regrets with. I’m sad that it ended and that he won’t speak to me now- like all of them, but he helped me grow too. It was that summer that I started getting to know God a bit better and he began to affect my dating.

In September, I met Jordan. Jordan was classic; part of a band, played me songs, made me laugh, and just fun, and a good dancer! He was the first guy to treat me like a woman and show me respect. He refused to kiss me until we started dating to show me he respected me. Jordan was also very involved in his church and youth group, he played in the band and often spoke of God. At first it was awkward for me but then I found his religious beliefs, which were also the same as mine, reflected on me a lot. We’d have discussions about Jesus Christ and the Bible and God, which was all new to me. He showed me something new and opened my heart and eyes. I allowed evil to pull us apart. (Make the reference- cough cough- Billy) I regret it. I felt like he was the devil’s temptation. Even though I don’t think Jordan was right for me, I have him to thank for re-starting my relationship with God.

Allowing that evil to come back into my life ripped me away from God and in the end it destroyed me inside. From here, it went downhill again. I strayed away from the path I was doing so well on, and it ended up that in three months, I allowed four guys to use me and emotionally abuse me. This was all recently. I just lost sight of what I really did want and what I know I want now and that’s a relationship with God and a Godly relationship. It only takes realization though and I opened my eyes. None of my relationships worked before because nothing was right about them, no reasons, nothing in them. They were the result of low standards- great guys don’t get me wrong, just I wasn’t listening when God said they weren’t for me.

I opened my eyes to everything. In a relationship, I had always felt the pressure to be physical and intimate. My friends made it seem as though I were abnormal if I’d never kissed a guy at my age. And the sad part is, that I relied so much on them and their opinions, I allowed that to affect my relationships. It started with Billy and when I’d finally reached my dead end limits, he left. I decided then, after losing him, maybe I’d just try new things and that maybe it was I, and not the guys’ expectations. So in turn, with Bryan, I was different and did more that caused more regrets. The physical part of Bryan and my relationship is one of the main things that tore us apart, and funny enough, he never pressured me, I just never said “no” when I wanted to.

My view on the physical aspect of relationships has changed with each new one and ever since I allowed God to be a big part of my life, I’ve noticed that they’ve changed more. I’ve found that the words “no” and “stop” are in my vocabulary and they are easy and sometimes fun to say. I’ve also found that my relationships mean more when I don’t rush things. I want to save myself for God and that one person He has picked out that I am truly meant to be with. Most importantly, I take more heed of physical intimacy in relationships because I want for me want God wants and I want to show him that I respect the body that he’s given for me.

It’s funny because I change a lot but this, this is permanent. I can feel it. Now, I pray a lot and I talk to God everyday about general things and about what I’m doing dating wise. Above all, I listen. I think before when I asked for God’s answers in relationships and felt that there was no response, it was because I wasn’t listening. I was acting with my heart in mind and not God’s will. Now, when I think about dating somebody, I look to find respect the same respect I found so appealing with Jordan and the old- fashioned gentlemen qualities of Bryan. Like the top four things one looks for in the opposite sex though, (humor, God, respect, trust) I want somebody who has a very strong relationship with the Lord. I want to have a relationship with God in mind and as my focus. I have morals that I will be true to. I know that if God wants somebody in my life, He will put them into it. I know that I will know it’s what I’m meant to be in at that time because I know how to listen now, and I know that I pray for His path. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster; to give you a future and hope. In those days when you pray I will listen. If you look up for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.” I want to follow God’s path for who I am with and with faith in Him I need worry not whether the person I’m dating is the right one or not. It’s great because I don’t feel like I NEED to have somebody or like I should look for somebody everywhere I turn. I’m going to place my relationships in God’s hands now. I think I’ll get something more out of them because if and when they’re over, I know there won’t be regrets and I know I’ll always have God there to hold me and love me through.

I also think that because of my new views that I will choose whom I aspire to be with differently too. I don’t feel like I need the best looking, most popular guy now. I already have Him. I don’t want to be with somebody who doesn’t have the same beliefs as I right now and I want to be with somebody who has a strong relationship with God because I think it will only affect me and make mine stronger as well. In the future, when I feel that I am at the point, maybe I would consider dating somebody of a different or lesser amount of faith than I because I could help them the same way I was helped. I could rub off on them maybe and help them bring God closer in their life. If not, if I think they’re hurting me and jeopardizing my religious affiliation, then I know God does not want me with them and I would end that relationship on the dot. No regrets. I’m not the helpless drama queen I used to be. I have God by my side now.

I realize now, in each relationship, it was God I was missing. I realize now no relationship will ever be as precious as the one I have with him and no relationship I have with a guy will ever be good enough unless I remember to follow the path He leads and to keep Him in focus. Now that I have a deepening relationship with God, I think a lot more about what I do in my relationships with the opposite sex and about who I would want to be with that would reflect Him best and reflect His path for me best. I take offense when somebody I’m with curses randomly or abuses God. I take offense when they don’t show me respect and I look for somebody who has a strong affiliation with their church and relationship with God. Pastor Mike said tonight that you have to set your standards high which is something I’ve never done. I wanted whoever would have me no matter what sort of “pimple on prom day” flaw they had. He also said that when you settle for somebody who does not meet those standards, the chances are you’re only with them out of your own insecurities. That is so true for me. It really hit home and that’s not the sort of person I am anymore.

I have a very close friend now who I talk to often about God and the Bible and just generally, for hours; literally. I know he respects me and I know where his focus is. I find him so inspiring and I admire him and I feel equal to him. He makes me feel good about myself and he helps to keep my focus in the right spot. I think now I want somebody with his qualities, being carefree, being on fire for God, never holding a grudge, and so much more. He’s helped me raise my bar and set standards. I know he hates me saying this too. He knows who he is. (I’m sorry.)

I still worry about how people perceive me, how the opposite sex perceives me. I still haven’t been able to show my face anywhere that the opposite sex may be without my make-up. But I know God has patience and I know he is bearing with me and knows that I’m trying. I surely don’t try to meet any quota or ridiculous nonsense like that. I don’t think it’s wrong to date. I think it helps you grow BUT, yeah, yeah, there’s always a but, BUT, I think you should consider a lot. You should have your values and morals straight and never be willing to compromise them no matter if hormones are telling you to do so, I think that God should be in your head and heart always and priority, I think you should set standards and find somebody who meets them, and I think you shouldn’t allow a member of the opposite sex to come before those who have always been there in your life. To me, attraction has a lot to do with the inside now and the word relationship… well it means two people drawn together by God’s will who live with His plan in mind and respect one another and their beliefs unconditionally.